The Ultimate All-Hollywood Hockey Team

It's been half-heartedly attempted a couple times here and there, but never have we, the All-Hollywood hockey team selection committee, seen anyone actually attempt to put together a full All-Hollywood Hockey roster.

To give you a quick summary of what we're doing here, we've compiled a complete 23-man hockey roster made up of fictional characters from your favorite hockey flicks and tv shows (hint, hint). We're talking 12 forwards, 6 defencemen, and 2 goalies. We also threw in 3 healthy scratches for good measure.

Reader be warned, some of these picks are outside-of-the-box. Some will enlighten you. Some will anger you. If you are able to guess all 23 players before reading the blog post, then we at Thinees officially deem you a hockey movie genius and we bow to your greatness.

Players are revealed in traditional lineup order. That is, forwards are listed line 1 to line 4. Defensive pairings are stacked by pairings 1 to 3. The starting goalie and backup goalie follow next, with 3 healthy scratches rounding out the roster. To complete this hockey movie character Mona Lisa, we added a head coach and two assistants.

Don't worry, at the end of the article there's a commenting section where you can voice your praise (or vent your disdain) with the roster we put together.

Speaking of which, I highly recommend you read this list with a group of pals because this fake roster was created to spurn discussion and heated debate. I will forewarn you that not everyone will agree with the complete roster. In fact, I guarantee no one will agree with every single selection.

But that's what makes it fun, right?... right?

Without further ado, let's reveal the All-Hollywood Hockey Team presented by Thinees Performance Socks.

Line 1

Centre

Connor Banks played by Michael Buie

Talent over star power. Connor Banks may not be the first name you think of when assembling an All-Hollywood roster, but his talent is unquestionable. Squaring off against the New York Rangers, he proved he can play and excel at the highest level. He's also an elite skater, which is the norm for most Mystery players.

Mystery, Alaska (1999)

Connor Banks from Mystery, Alaska on the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team
Left Wing

Adam Banks played by Vincent Larusso

The name Charlie Conway would probably be the first most think of when talking about The Mighty Ducks movie series. Conway may have been the best leader on those Duck teams, but was he the most skilled? Not even close. Banks is hands-down the most talented player to come out of the Disney series. Let's remember how big of a laughing stock District 5 was before Adam Banks came on board.

The Mighty Ducks (1992), D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994), D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996)

Adam Banks starred in all three Mighty Ducks movies and is on the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team
Right Wing

Xavier LaFlamme played by Marc-André Grondin

Perhaps his spot on the first line will come with heavy criticism, but the former number two overall pick in the NHL draft is as talented, if not the most talented, as any player on the fake squad. He's a proven producer when he has protection in the lineup, and on this fake team, he has plenty of that.

Goon (2011), Goon: Last of the Enforcers (2017)

Xavier LaFlamme from the movie Goon (2011) on the the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team

Line 2

Centre

Dean Youngblood played by Rob Lowe

The skill, speed, and deadly handsomeness of Dean Youngblood make him an automatic for this list and probably should be a first-liner in the eyes of many. Throw in the fact that he's shown he's not afraid of a dust-up and this guy is an All-Hollywood stud.

Youngblood (1986)

Dean Youngblood of the 1986 movie Youngblood is on the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team
Left Wing

Ned Braden played by Michael Ontkean

The non-fighter on a squad heavy with bruisers, Ned Braden was the Chiefs leading scorer and best player. Similarly to his role on Slap Shot, Braden can continue to focus on scoring, as there is enough muscle in the bottom six of this fake team to do the heavy lifting.

Slap Shot (1977)

Ned Braden of the cult classic hockey movie Slap Shot is on the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team
Right Wing

Doug Dorsey played by D.B. Sweeney

Who!? A relative unknown in hockey movie circles, this might be a name that absolutely no one mentions (or knows). But don't be fooled. A controversial switch from hockey to figure skating may sour Dorsey's selection for many, but I don't care. The former team USA captain has talent comparable to any of our fake hockey stars, so he's on the team.

The Cutting Edge (1992)

Team USA captain Doug Dorsey is part of our All-Hollywood Hockey team

Line 3

Centre

Johnny Hanson played by John Wayne

The hockey player turned chicken farmer turned hockey player will be a selection known by only the fiercest (or oldest) hockey movie buffs. The downside to Hanson's game is that he's shown he doesn't really like hockey, but rather what hockey can provide him. Nevertheless, he's skilled enough to anchor the 3rd line. And, oh yeah, it's John Freaking Wayne.

Idol of the Crowds (1937)

The legendary John Wayne's character Johnny Hanson is on the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team
Left Wing

Gunnar Stahl played by Scott Whyte

The Icelandic beast Gunnar Stahl is the first heel character to break the roster. Even more so than Adam Banks, this isn't the first name you think of when taking about The Mighty Ducks movie franchise, but his raw skill and booming shot put him on the squad.

D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994)

Iceland's Gunnar Stahl from D2
Right Wing

Sean Linden played by Stephen Baldwin

Similar to his linemate Hanson, Sean Linden comes with a checkered past (betting on games) but an NHL skillset. When his head is in the right place, Linden brings some serious skill and sandpaper to the 3rd line of our fake squad.

Slap Shot 2: Breaking the Ice (2002)

Sean Linden of Slap Shot 2: Breaking the Ice (2002) and played by Stephen Baldwin is on our All-Hollywood Hockey team

Line 4

Centre

Reggie Dunlop played by Paul Newman

Stability, toughness, and leadership is what Reggie Dunlop brings to the fake team. With his fist-first linemates, you'll need someone on this line who can actually play hockey.

Slap Shot (1977)

Paul Newman's character Reggie Dunlop is on our All-Hollywood Hockey team
Left Wing

Ross Rhea played by Liev Schreiber

I can already hear the criticism pouring in. How on earth is Ross Rhea on the team ahead of Doug Glatt!? It's simple really. If we can agree the two gladiators are equally tough (which we may not agree), Rhea has experience at the highest level and skates exponentially better than the bambi-footed Glatt.

Goon (2011), Goon: Last of the Enforcers (2017)

Ross 'the Boss' Rhea is on the fourth line of the Thinees Hockey team
Right Wing

Ogie Ogilthorpe played by Ned Dowd

Easily one of the most feared tough guys in the game, Ogilthorpe belongs on any fourth line that is built to irritate, instigate, and intimidate.

Slap Shot (1977)

Ogie Ogilthorpe of the classic hockey movie Slap Shot

D Pair 1

Left Defence

Adam "Tree" Lane played by Kevin Durand

A lockdown, physical presence is a need for any fake team's blueline. Tree Lane is just that, as his size and willingness to inflict pain on his opponents makes him a key cog for the squad. There is some offensive upside here too.

Mystery, Alaska (1999)

Tree Lane of Mystery, Alaska is on the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team
Right Defence

Fulton Reed played by Elden Henson

The Mighty Ducks' star brings a booming shot and a street mentality to the rink. While his first pairing designation may be controversial, he's had enough success in his young career to give the selection committee confidence that he can handle top pair minutes for the fake team.

The Mighty Ducks (1992), D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994), D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996)

Fulton Reed of Disney's The Mighty Ducks is a defenceman on the All-Hollywood Hockey team

D Pair 2

Left Defence

John Biebe played by Russell Crowe

Along with Dunlop, John Biebe brings a wealth of experience and necessary leadership to the All-Hollywood squad. A great puck mover, Biebe is an asset to any powerplay and should be able to get the puck to the team's offensive powerhouses.

Mystery, Alaska (1999)

John Biebe, played by Russell Crowe, of Mystery, Alaska is on the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team
Right Defence

Doug MacRay played by Ben Affleck

Before choosing a life of crime to follow in his father's footsteps, Doug MacRay was on the fasttrack to professional hockey. Life choices aside, that type of mentality might make him the hidden gem on a team filled with household names.

The Town (2010)

Doug MacRay, played by Ben Affleck, is a member of the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team

D Pair 3

Left Defence

Reilly played by Dylan Playfair

A chirping genius and a great locker room presence, Reilly of the hockey TV show Letterkenny is a perfect fit for the All-Hollywood squad. He's a mediocre talent, but his jam and willingness to get into his opponent's head make him an asset to any fake lineup.

Letterkenny (2016-)

Reilly of the hit TV show Letterkenny
Right Defence

Happy Gilmore played by Adam Sandler

A controversial selection, the ungodly clapper and the wildman toughness gives Happy Gilmore the final spot in the starting lineup. His skating ability is highly questionable and puck handling ability is non-existent, but the fire and commitment is there.

Happy Gilmore (1996)

The hockey player turned golfer Happy Gilmore is on our All-Hollywood team

Goalies

Starting Goalie

Denis Lemieux played by Yvon Barrette

Perhaps the most quotable guy on the team, Denis Lemieux also possesses high-end skill and a fierce attitude. You can never go wrong with a French-Canadian goaltender.

Slap Shot (1977)

Denis Lemieux of the hockey movie Slap Shot
Backup Goalie

Julie "The Cat" Gaffney played by Colombe Jacobsen-Derstine

She possesses an elite glove hand and knack for making the big save. There were quite a few tenders who could have cracked the list, but it's Gaffney's intangibles that secured her roster spot.

D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994), D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996)

Julie The Cat Gaffney is the backup goalie for the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team

Healthy Scratches

Forward

Derek Sutton played by Patrick Swayze

The Captain of the Hamilton Mustangs brings a plethora of leadership and talent. He's a big dressing room presence and will surely be involved in any fake team hazing rituals.

Youngblood (1986)

Derek Sutton of Youngblood is an alternate forward for the All-Hollywood team
Forward

Doug Glatt played by Seann William Scott

He's a liability on the ice, but he's an absolute banger who epitomizes the "ferda" mantra. The debate of whether he should be a starter over Rhea or Ogilthorpe will be never-ending.

Goon (2011), Goon: Last of the Enforcers (2017)

Doug The Thug Glatt from the movie Goon (2011) is on the the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team
Defence

Huey Hewitt played by Peter Faussett

A stabilizing, punishing force on defence, Huey Hewitt makes the fake team as the seventh defenceman. He probably should be ahead of Happy Gilmore on the depth chart, but what's the fun in that?

Youngblood (1986)

Huey Hewitt of Youngblood (1986) is a defenceman on the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team

Coaches

Head Coach

Gordon Bombay played by Emilio Estevez

The ultimate underdog who always seems to pull out the big win, (sigh, cheesy Disney). But I want the guy who defeated Jack Reilly and Wolf "The Dentist" Stansson. Period.

The Mighty Ducks (1992), D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994), D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996)

The famous Disney hockey coach Gordon Bombay is the head coach for the All-Hollywood team
Assistant Coach

Ronnie Hortense played by Kim Coates

"This is not baseball!" Did I forget a word? The Goon coach is a total dandy who knows how to manage egos.

Goon (2011), Goon: Last of the Enforcers (2017)

Coach Ronnie Hortense played by Kim Coates in the movie Goon (2011) is the assistant coach on the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team
Assistant Coach

Murray Chadwick played by Ed Lauter

A former All-Star with the New York Rangers and has the ability to deliver riveting pump-up speeches. I want that guy behind the bench.

Youngblood (1986)

Murray Chadwick of Youngblood (1986) is an assistant coach on the Thinees All-Hollywood Hockey team

So, what did you think of our list? Are you absolutely appalled that Charlie Conway didn't make our roster? Were you secretly hoping that Most Valuable Primate: Jack made the team? Do you want to bean us in the head with a beach ball for not allocating 3 roster spots to the Hanson brothers?

Leave us a comment in the section below with your thoughts on the roster. Tell us who we missed or who you think should absolutely not be on the team.

We hoped you enjoyed the Ultimate All-Hollywood Hockey Team presented by Thinees Performance Socks.

Until next time...

12 comments

tadalafil pills 20mg

tadalafil https://elitadalafill.com/ generic tadalafil united states

vardenafil grapefruit interaction

generic vardenafil 20mg india https://vegavardenafil.com/ vardenafil 10 mg

erectile dysfunction medications

do erectile pumps work https://canadaerectiledysfunctionpills.com/ erectile injection therapy

Nouniorry

]

zithromax z-pak price without insurance

erythromax https://zithromaxes.com/ z pak wiki

Leave a comment